So life has moved on for me in many ways since last I wrote. I have a new job. I have a new flat. I am single. I have a cat. All good things, for the most part. Reading through my not-so-extensive blog made me smile, and definitely made me think about how my thoughts and actions have evolved over the last 18 months. I’ve come to realise what an impulsive, gung-ho kind of attitude I have to life; an example being my approach to the whole ‘Secret’ business. I jumped in with both feet, definitely becoming the annoying evangelical type I foresaw myself being (at least to those with the patience to listen!). It made me feel good. I like to think that it had a positive impact on my life; indeed whether you call it ‘The Secret’ , the law of attraction, or even simple determination, I have changed some of the fundamental elements of my life for the better.
I started with the simple things (cut-price steak in the reduced section of Tesco’s) in order to test out my new ‘powers’, and marvelled at each manifestation I conjured up. No matter that I wanted sirloin instead of stewing steak, I got it! I did that! I envisaged myself having a bigger place with a garden, a job that rewarded me better in the salary and respect department, and a happier home life. I pretty much have all of that now, a mere 18 months later. It hasn’t come to me with a huge amount of effort, pain or trouble, in fact the process has been remarkably slick and seamless. This, Rhonda Byrne tells me, is how it’s meant to be.
I look back on the energy I put into this refocus; the fire that stoked my belly and the absolute faith I felt when I spoke about it with others. I would say my feelings on the subject can be divided up as follows; 5% embarrassment, 15% ‘hey, that’s pretty cool!’ and 80% ‘how do I recapture that spirit?’ I mean, if it worked for me why do I feel so cynical about it now? Why do I feel that 5% embarrassment? I embarrass myself all the time with my over-enthusiasm, my blind faith and naivety. Who cares if it gets me what I want and doesn’t hurt anyone else (only irritate them!)?
I think the simple solution is to give it another wholehearted shot. My ideas may have changed to some degree regarding attraction and nature’s abhorrence of a vacuum, but not to the extent that I have become disillusioned by it. I still force myself to think the best of any given situation, and work to quash any negativity I might be feeling. Maybe it’s the words ‘force’ and ‘work’ that are causing the problem. I need to shift my focus away from the battlefield in my head and towards the nourishment of good, vital and positive things. I can do that. I can do anything!